that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
