I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
