I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
