I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
