Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
