TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
