Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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