My liver just broke up with me...
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
How does one acquire holy water?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
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