my phone needs a breathalizer
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
How naked do you want me to be?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
