I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
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the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
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When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize