I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
