I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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