We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
