he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
