Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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