I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
