My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
