she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
