Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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