Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
