Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
