Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
