He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
