I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
