The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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