dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
