Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
