having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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