I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
