Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
40s are totally the cure
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
