my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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