Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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