I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
