I smell stomach acid.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
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