you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
