It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
