I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Blood and glitter go together right?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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