I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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