Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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