I think I won the penis lottery.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
