VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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