Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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