He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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