why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
