butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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