im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
