Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
