Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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