there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
