How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
