I seem to have left my pride at pride
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
