): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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