ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
