what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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