I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
