I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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