but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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