i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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