Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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