I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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