I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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