zippers are such a cool invention
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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