Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
