I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
