Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
