Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.