There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch