If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
