Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I have tasted many bathrooms