There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night