u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
