Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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