Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
