Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
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Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
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My bed is full of blood and feathers
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.