you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain