hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing