I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.