Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".