I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Randomize
