It's Friday. Sex?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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