This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
