i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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