it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I AM VODKA MAN
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
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