WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
