I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
