Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
